Last night's Keeping Up With the Kardashians centered around a pregnancy scare.
While it'll be months before Kim Kardashian gives birth on the show, as she did Saturday in real life, we do know it all worked out in the end for her.
Ah, contrived reality TV drama at its finest. Let's break down this week's episode!
The scare began after Kris Jenner got a call from Khloe Kardashian, telling her that Kim Kardashian had just landed and was in some major pain.
She was headed straight to the doctor, where her mom met her. Plus 25.
Kim, apparently, fretted she was in labor and was crying during the whole fight. "I just don't understand," the reality star told her. "It hurts so bad."
At the doctor, she saw the baby's heartbeat, which helped. Plus 25.
The pain, however, did not go away, nor did her concerns.
Quote of the night: “If labor’s worse than this, I’ll hang myself. I’ll literally take a knife and slit my throat.” Plus 150 for the fact that this literally didn't happen!
Appendicitis was ruled out, after which Kim was diagnosed with a stomach infection, given some antibiotics and told to rest. Phew. Plus 50.
Of course, there was mention of the "stress" of Kim's marriage to Kris Humphries which JUST WOULDN'T END (and which is also now over).
She so, so badly wanted it to be over, so she wouldn't give birth to another man's baby while married. Minus 50 for playing up a non-issue like this.
Luckily, now she's given birth to another man's baby while divorced and not engaged to the baby daddy. That should put her mind at ease! Minus 150.
Kim tells Lala how she wants to talk some sense into Kris.
"I just wanna say to him, ‘It never had to get like this. I loved you, I still do," she says. "You were a big part of my life. We never should have rushed into it."
"It doesn’t mean we still can’t be friends."
Yeah. That's not happening, nor was there any prayer of it at any point, but just the same, good line for the show's staff writers to feed her! Plus 25.
The Hump did not show at the depo, of course, but he did grant her a divorce in time for her to give birth out of wedlock. So that's something.
Think he sent his ex's little girl a gift? One can only hope, or have fun imagining. Ditto Ray J sending over a monogrammed "I Hit It First" throw pillow.
EPISODE TOTAL: +25! SEASON TOTAL: +86!